Vercundus Dei

because everything in Latin just screams atas and refined.

Body's becoming more fucked up with blood seeping from almost every orifice of my body; the eyes, nose, mouth and even my anus. Paranoid parrot in me just squawked supernatural; I'm sodomised by an incubus for these few nights. Not only do I have to be contented with random blood leaks, but also a splitting migraine every time I moved from a sitting position. Fuck lah.

People often pray in times of need, or when disaster strikes. But when all these hurdles have been crossed, they totally forget about the god they prayed to. My grandma always ask me why I stopped praying and how my almost sixteen years of Islamic studies have gone to waste. I just kept mum.

The truth is, I'm malu of facing God. Segan. I feel terrible if I miss a prayer but I feel even more terrible when I pray, especially when I pray just to ask for good grades, materialistic needs, etc. I fear I'm just using god to fulfil my needs and if they're fulfilled, I'll forget about god totally. I want to be sincere when I pray; praying because I'm fulfilling one of the pillars of Islam as a Muslim by praying five times a day; not forced to or because I needed a miracle or something, or even worse, out of riak.

Islam today is not what I think it is centuries ago. Now Islam is controlled by hardened clerics who set fatwas with agendas such that they'll be in control; twisting the Qur'an in order to fulfil what they sought to achieve. The Islam of today is like the Soviet Union of the last century, full of hypocrisies and oppressors. Everything is done under the excuse of God. Every war fought under the pretence of jihad. Every terrorism act under the pretence of jihad. Like how even honour killing (like killing your sibling for marrying a non-Muslim) is for Islam. Honour killing is a cultural thing mainly practised in rural uneducated villages of central asia and the Indian subcontinent. I remembered reading an article about a girl from India who got raped and humiliated by the men in her village for falling in love with someone from outside her village.

Al-Kafirun:

قُلۡ يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلۡڪَـٰفِرُونَ

Say (O Prophet): O ye who reject faith! (1)

لَآ أَعۡبُدُ مَا تَعۡبُدُونَ

I worship not that which ye worship; (2)

وَلَآ أَنتُمۡ عَـٰبِدُونَ مَآ أَعۡبُدُ

Nor worship ye that which I worship. (3)

وَلَآ أَنَا۟ عَابِدٌ۬ مَّا عَبَدتُّمۡ

And I shall not worship that which ye worship. (4)

وَلَآ أَنتُمۡ عَـٰبِدُونَ مَآ أَعۡبُدُ

Nor will ye worship that which I worship. (5)

لَكُمۡ دِينُكُمۡ وَلِىَ دِينِ

Unto you your religion, and unto me my religion. (6)

to sum the above chapter up, to each his own.


p.s. Lion King was awesome!